I just told Kat I had a full head and had to empty it out here. She asked what about, then guessed three things. Just happens to be the three I was thinking. She knows me so well.
One is her. I love her so much I am surprised my body can contain it. I always expect to physically see love seeping out of me into the world for someone else to steal away. Yet it never happens. Good thing, I would fight for it back. She is just the most wonderful person I could ever hope to have in my life, the one I would dream never existed. But here she is, married to me. I know the lost job thing weighs on her alot, she is so use to being out and working or doing something. I know it bothers her that right now she has no money to help support us. Plus it bugs her that I am the only provider right now. Honestly, I don't care. I want her to be happy and work, since I know that is what she needs, but I want her to find a job that is right for her. Something that she can be passionate about and really enjoy doing for a long time, not something that is great for awhile because it is new. And I don't want her to worry about money until then either. I know that together we can find a way to make it work. I firmly believe that together we can do anything and be ok. I have that much faith in our love and our relationship.
Speaking of faith, I had a great talk with Sarah tonight. About religon. We talked about how Jesus is about forgiveness and that she believes that if people follow him, than there is a place in heaven for them. That is why I love her so much. Something I tried to explain to Chris once, but got frustrated and gave up to go to work. Sarah has the ability to have so much faith in this world and the people in it because of her religon. I tried to explain to her that to me a "devote" christian is like an obsessed christian.
1. to give up or appropriate to or concentrate on a particular pursuit, occupation, purpose, cause, etc.: to devote one's time to reading. 2. to appropriate by or as if by a vow; set apart or dedicate by a solemn or formal act; consecrate: She devoted her life to God. 3. to commit to evil or destruction; doom.
So that is the definition. I told Sarah that she is a firm believer to me. She has more knowledge than I do of the Bible, since it has been years that I have read it. But the important thing to me is that she takes into account today's life. She has all the good text and morals down, and has put them into today's society to make it work. She once told me that my mom instilled the basic beliefs of the bible in us kids, although none of us went to church. I had to think on that one alot, and she is right. I have grown up believing in a part of the christian system and it never really dawned on me until Sarah mentioned it. So thank you kiddo. I have so much pride and love for you, not for pointing out my ignorance in this subject, but for teaching me the way you see it. I still may not follow it, but it is good to stay informed. Your a great help in that.
The last thought running around up there is this. I am so excited to see Jen. I know that when Kat first told me about her moving here I was unsure of the situation. I know I worried about space, time alone with Kat, and money. I also didn't know Jen too well at the time. Over a short amount of talking and having the web cam on, I know now that it will be one of the best ideas Kat has had. I really cannot wait for her to be here now. And it is not just the numerous games sitting here that I want to play, but the idea of sitting here playing them with a friend that excites me. Having someone to talk to when Kat is out, or to play games with Kat and I, or just simply sitting here doing nothing all day with someone else. I really miss having others to hang out with. Not to say that the few of you I do see is not fun, it is anything but lack of fun. It is just that we have all become so busy, sick, or tired that it is getting increasingly difficult to see friends lately. Now I will have one of you here all the time. Well, I am sure not all the time, but often enough. Plus it will be good for all of us to have a fresh face in the group that we can actually hang out with without all the cords and monitors involved. So I am anxiously counting down days too. I know Jen is nervous about coming out, but who wouldn't be? Just know that there are more than a couple of welcoming arms here waiting for you. Rather impatiently sometimes, but we will be waiting to be able to give you hugs and love when you get here.
There, my mind is a little calmer now. Oh, one more thing. I have an interview on the 5th, Wedsday, about getting into Assistant Management Programing. I still don't know if I want it. I need to decide soon though. Apparently according to one of our old Assistants we saw today in Walmart, I am pretty much a shoe in. Not sure if I like the odds.....
